I have been finding it hard to write lately. But don’t get me wrong, i love writing; in fact i am in love with every second of it, but sometimes i just can’t. i just can’t.
i saw a video yesterday evening, was listening to my Networking classes by the academy. End of each module, recommended videos would show up right? I saw some interesting stuff and just clicked a bunch of them to watch it soon after.
24 open tabs. Was going through them one by one. And particularly came up with one video where some guy was saying that “you consumed enough, it’s time to create.’’
When just one day in covid time, he was in the empty store waiting for customers that will never come. Then he thought he was spending all this time consuming content from internet but actually not creating anything.
He took his old DSL camera, and set himself a challenge. For 30 days he started to take random pics and uploaded them to a insta page he created. That’s the part where i had watched it to.
So i decided that i would write every single day for 30 days and see how it turns out. (hopefully not too bad.)
Since i have ADHD and lately i have been feeling it more and more intensely, i just want to make everything clear so that i don’t actually lose track.
There is one podcast channel where the guy takes on ADHD experts or people who have it to talk and learn more about it. I find it to be very educating and feeling that the stigma and misunderstanding in the society actually exist and it is something more than what everybody think it is.
‘Everybody has ADHD these days..’ No, they don’t. Neurotypical people experience the lose of focus time to time or losing things and all other stereotypical shit you hear from a random person.
That is why it is more than that. They can not know the pain of burning out to a point where they have to quit everything they have built, the suffering of trying to be yourself and express your honest emotions but facing with a people reaction where they bully you, criticize you, think you are stupid and useless, makes you feel like you worth nothing.
I would want a person with a normal brain to come up and say, yes they struggle with the same shit on a ‘daily basis’ and they try to hide themselves to protect their emotions.
Whatever, another topic in my mind is Buddhism. I find it fascinating, this Buddhism, really. I have been reading stuff about this since i am15 years old and i still find it very legit and very applicable to my understanding of the world around me.
It helped me gain a new perspective of my existence and of God and of suffering. It is relevant to what i perceive some of the things but to some extend. I don’t find it enough in explaining my existential questionnaire. I need something more than this.
Another thing is that i am learning French on Duolingo. I have 34 days of streak and i am lvl7 in French. Pretty good huh? Not to be cocky or anything but i always felt a little bit of French myself, ngl. (im exaggerating ofc)
As someone who is genZ, i do in fact think that older people don’t understand me to some extend. Not to mean anything bad though, i love my older people, whole my life i admired my older brothers. I love them so much, but sometimes, just sometimes they don’t get it at all.
English is so close to being my 2nd mother tongue, but i cannot help but feel that i absolutely did every grammar and spelling and logic mistake possible that ever existed in English language. Whatever, i understand and you understand, that’s what matters.
Last thing is that my brother is going to New York City on Sunday, which is tomorrow. I’ve never been to NYC but i’d really love to one day.
Woke up at 5am today and now it’s almost 8am in the morning. My roommate is sick and not getting better for the last few days. Hope she will today.
Alright, i am sleepy. I will go back to sleep now. Peace out.
Sincerely,
xxx
(a pic for today i found on internet.)